2015

Well, that was a year to remember.

I think of where I was at this time last year, the headspace I was in, and it sucked, I was at the bottom of a hole and I was only starting to realize it. My subconscious self screaming out for attention, for liberation, and I finally started listening to myself, taking all those negative feelings seriously, no longer ignoring them, valuing my needs and accepting my anxieties and fears as valid and real and taking action.

And the beautiful thing, is that I continued to do so all year. Finally listening to my gut, and never regretting it when I did even though it wasn’t always easy.

Ending relationships, platonic or romantic, when they no longer felt right, and not looking back. Not second guessing myself, knowing there is always better to come. Learning how to forgive and let go, both others and myself. No longer kicking myself when my random explorations and experimentations didn’t go the way I planned, and seriously, nothing has gone as planned, but I still thanked them and valued them as parts of life, as figuring out what I do and don’t want, what is truly important to me.

Learning to enjoy my own company, and knowing that it’s OK to feel lonely sometimes without hating or blaming myself for having those feelings. Knowing that I’m never truly alone even though I may feel it from time to time.

Saying no, cancelling plans without worrying that I may miss out on something, taking time away from friends or work for myself when I needed it, and slowly letting go of the anxiety that it has always caused me. Helping and supporting friends when I could, and also turning them away when I really couldn’t, always keeping my own energy level and needs in mind, not putting others ahead of myself.

And saying yes to new experiences, new people, new experiments.

I have a new family, I have so many amazing people around me that only want the best for me in my journey, people who love me, and who I love back with all my heart. I have new homes away from home where I know I’ll always be welcome and people will always be happy to see me there and invite me in. I had the most amazing birthday party that a girl could ask for, one that I’ll always remember.

And I’ve still got a long way to go, more lessons that I need to learn, more evolving, more exploring, more tears and more laughter, more disappointments and more love, more sadness and more joy, and I’m going to fuck up again and again, and I’m going to succeed again and again, isn’t that what life is?

I’ve never felt more love in my life than I did this year. Love from friends, love from random acquaintances, seeing my beauty reflected in the eyes and actions of others, as well as in my own mind and heart. Loving myself more and more, and giving myself all of the compassion that I require. Reaching out when I need, and always being there for others to reach out to as well in their times of need. Becoming at peace with myself, one step at a time, and figuring out who I am while knowing I never truly will, evolution never actually stops after all.

Thank you all, to those that took care of me early in the year when I needed it most, to those that have danced and drank and loved with me, to those that have opened their hearts to me and allowed me to open my heart to them, to those that have opened my eyes to new worlds and ideas, to those who have taken me in, to those that have held me as I cried, and kissed me when I hurt, and showed me how they saw me and helped me find myself without judgement, to those who have debated and argued with me, to those that have taught me, to those who have made my life the amazing journey that it is.

Here’s to 2015, let’s all raise a glass shall we

and let’s make 2016 even better

Love you all

and thank you


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