A conversation with a four year old

I went to see a friend of mine last night to catch up, wonderful guy, married to a lovely woman, and they happen to have one of the coolest, smartest, most mind-blowingly awesome four year olds in existence.

While chatting over dinner, can’t really recall exactly how it came up, the whisky was flowing well, my ex wife was mentioned.

The little one looked a little sad and asked me why wasn’t I with her anymore?

“Well sweetie”, I reply, “she didn’t like girls and couldn’t be married to one”

This just got me a look of complete bewilderment

“You know that most girls like boys, and that most boys like girls, and there are some girls that like girls, and there are some boys that like boys right?”

A nod of the head

“Well, when I became a girl, she didn’t want to be married to me anymore because she didn’t like girls that way”

“Because you used to be a boy?”


Her eyebrows scrunched up as she processed this new information.

“So when you were little you were a boy?”


“So some boys grow up and become girls?”

“Well… something like that. I always had the brain of a girl, and the heart of a girl, so I changed my body to be that of a girl so I could be happier”


“So I could grow up to become a boy?”

That got a good laugh out of all of us.

We all took time explaining to her how some of us feel wrong inside our bodies, so we change to be the other gender, and that there are some people who don’t feel like either gender so they find a comfortable place in the middle.

I reminded her of the trans women’s writers night that I spoke at a few months ago and her and her father attended, how she had mentioned that some of the girls sounded like boys when they talked. I told her how all the girls there used to be boys earlier in their lives. She wondered if all the boys used to be girls, and we told her some of them probably were, but we didn’t really know, because it doesn’t really matter.

She thought about it for another moment, then went onto some other completely unrelated topic

After all… she is four


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