I float

The following is an attempt at visualizing a possible event in a vague and obfuscated way due to the subject matter. Does that make it fiction?, I’m not sure. I’m trying to pull a surrealistic approach with words as opposed to with visual art, I think this would be an interesting piece to be turned into a visual medium along the lines of the animation in Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”

anyway….. here goes

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I float

Yet I float within something, some enclosure, and the enclosure is shrinking. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it’s shrinking

It moves, I rock gently within. Sometimes I get thrust up against the walls of my enclosure as the movement becomes rapid, agitated, violent. I rebound, I learn that the walls are soft, malleable, I can press into them and they embrace me and slowly push me back to where I rest.

Sometimes the walls push in, almost to touch me, searching for me, I draw away from that, it….. scares me

At one point my world changes color, there was nothing before, only the rocking motion, the warmth, yet now, there are things, things to see. The world becomes brighter at times, as the rocking increases the world becomes rosy, then, after a while, the world becomes dark again, the rocking slows, then is no more.

I wait, feeling the rhythm that has been with me since I can remember.

Then even that changes. I hear.

Sounds from outside my world penetrate the stillness. As with the rocking, when the world is bright, the sounds are more prevalent, when the world darkens, the sounds subside, disappear.

The rhythm is now more than a feeling, I hear it, it sinks within me, and it soothes me. I feel a part of me responding in kind, as though I am the enclosure, and it is me

Time passes, my world keeps disappearing, I have less and less room to float, my cage envelops me.

A new feeling grips me, something wrong, something that should not be… pain…fear…. felt for the first time

My cage rattles, a fierce cry sounds out through the walls, I feel it within me, all around me

The brightness of the world disappears, the sounds disappear, I no longer feel the cage, the world, the floating. There is simply nothing

so I wait

and wait

Time passes

there is someone in here with me, I don’t know how long I’ve been here, I don’t know where I am, but there is someone in here with me

we examine each other. We drift together, twirling, experiencing, I revel in no longer being alone. But the other feels…. different…. it doesn’t feel like I feel.

The other retreats into something, there is not just someone in here, but there is something, a new something. I can no longer feel my world, I simply… am… but I can sense the other, and where it is, and it is in something that seems very familiar, but I can’t place it, but I want it, I don’t know why, but I do

I try to go where the other went, but something stops me, pushes me back, a current, keeping me away.

so I wait

I know the other is there, but it is hidden, it waits within, and as time continues to pass, the something grows. I can feel the other, but it no longer is interested in me, it no longer leaves the thing, the growing thing, the expanding thing

so I wait

I feel nothing. I see nothing. Yet I know my world is once again shrinking.

and I wait

As suddenly as the other appeared, it is no longer.

I don’t know where it went, where it could have gone, but then, I didn’t know where it came from, where I came from.

I let myself drift closer to the something, it feels empty now, the current that was there before has vanished as well. I let myself curl around it, and I find that there is a small current, almost imperceptible, and it isn’t pushing me away.

I give myself to it

I am within the something, not with the something, and I realize, I’ve felt this before.

although….

something about it feels different, I’m not entirely part of it, I feel forced in, like I don’t fit

all those ideas leave me when I feel it again, the rhythm, the soothing, calming, rhythm. I feel the floating, I see my world again, I hear my own rhythm

and while something still feels…. off…. I am thankful that the darkness is gone, that I feel again, that I am somewhere.

I float

Yet I float within something, some enclosure, and the enclosure is shrinking. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it’s shrinking

And when once again the enclosure begins to envelop me, to hold me tight within it, I feel fear. I remember the darkness, the nothingness, I don’t want that again.

But then, I hear that cry, I feel the pain, but this time, something new happens. A gash of light appears, my enclosure, torn open, the cries are louder, frightening. Things appear, enormous, terrifying, mind shattering noises, colors never seen before burning me, the sense of panic, sensations unknown, pain from within, pain from without

and I scream

 


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