New Digs

So I moved last week

Overall things are looking up since I last sat down to write (if you could call that writing). Back in regular therapy which is helping, doing my best to practice self soothing, realizing when I’m feeling down and actively talking to myself about it, telling myself that I’m OK in reality, keeping mindful of what is going on around me. I don’t know if that is what is helping, or I’m just more on an upswing and this is just me feeling better about things, or if it’s the weather that is shifting my mood, it’s hard to say when you’re on a rollercoaster…..

I still have a problem finding motivation, but the crippling loneliness that I’ve been handling (badly…) is fading.

As usual, one thing that I know has helped, is opening up about it to certain people. Not everyone, as I’ve learned that very few people truly have an ability to listen actively, but I’ve realized that a few people in my life can handle this stuff, and I’ve been letting them help me, which does feel pretty good. Once I realized that my best friend had no idea I had been depressed for the past couple months, I knew that I had been holding back and hiding again. Seems to be a pattern with me……

Back in the dating game as well. I had two dates with a sweet (and straight!) guy but I don’t see anything real coming from that, which is kind of a good thing, because I feel absolutely fine telling him “thanks but no thanks” without falling into a “OMG THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE AT HAPPINESS AND I MUST HOLD ON!!!!!” type of thing. That’s good. I’m *not* desperate at finding another guy, any guy, no matter what, I’m happy to move on and keep fishing, keep trying, until the right one shows up.

That’s a good place to be in

The condo is good, I’m quite happy being there, and I hope it will last more than just a year, but even with that, I’ll appreciate the chance I had to live here. Meeting the neighbors, getting used to my neighborhood, only slight apprehension that I’ll run into my ex while wandering around (it’s gonna happen at one point…). Enjoying being close to my tree even though I haven’t visited that often just yet, enjoying being close to life.

and for the most part these days, I guess I’m feeling pretty normal…..

that’s a good feeling

 


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