here I am…

In just under 12 hours, I’ll be at the doctors office starting my appointment in which I get my prescription, and maybe my first shot, for Hormone Replacement Therapy

Over the next few weeks, the drugs I’ll be taking will hormonally shift my system into the normal regions for a woman, and then the changes start

It’s such a huge day, I feel like I should be writing this long meandering philosophical post, but honestly folks, I got nothing, lol…

it almost feels like it’s not real, lets see how I feel 24 hours from now, hehe…

There is this event that occurred many years ago now that has often jumped into my mind, this was 2008 I think, when I went out to pride with a transwoman friend of mine. It had been ages since I had gotten out en femme, and I was in a great mood, and I mentioned off hand how it sucks that I have to go back to the “real world” tomorrow. She looked at me quizzically, and asked me why didn’t I feel that *this* was the real world, and well, for me back then, it wasn’t. Being Dawn was still a fantasy, something I could only allow myself to do from time to time, something that was for beautiful people like Viki, not for people like me….

I remember my first therapist back in 2005/6 ask me if I would ever want to go to work as a woman, or live life outside of pride or trans-clubs as a woman… I remember responding to him “heh, no no, of course not, who, me?, ha!”… and I remember not feeling very sure about that answer at all….

I remember driving to Ottawa to see a friend after my first major relationship ended, and for whatever reason, I had this vivid daydream while making the drive about living my life as a woman, entirely… telling myself how impossible it was…. crying….

and now….

it’s real

good night all!

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