Cyclical Meanderings

I’ve been telling myself all day I should write something down, as usual, a ton has happened in the past week, some good, most bad, oof. It just feels that lately my writing has been alot of whining, and I hate whining, I hate whiners, fuck I’m doing it right now.

***shakes head vigorously***

***thinks how weird it still feels to have earrings sometimes, like when you shake your head and your earlobes are lagging behind due to the added weight and I wonder if thats going to stretch out my holes more and I should really stop thinking about stupid stuff like this I mean seriously!***

okay… back to business

Remember a few posts when I talked about sitting down with the parents in law, and how things went well and maybe I should have told them earlier?…. yyyeeeeaaahhhhh…. no, that would *not* have been a good idea.

As it turns out, a few days after I tell them, they tell Shirley’s mom about it. Shirley is Becca’s cousin, and someone I’ve known since I was 16, and her mother also considers me part of the family. And yes, while I do love the woman, she is a bit of a nutcase, not someone I’d take parenting advice from if you know what I mean (and I think you do!). They both freaked out together, the mom calls Shirley and blames her for everything, why didn’t she tell them about me?, how could she have permitted Becca to date me?, ya know, real nice and compassionate stuff like that. Becca went to see them and her father could barely look at her, barking everything at her, her mother in tears, saying horrible shit like why don’t I flood myself with testosterone to make these feelings go away (a woman with 30 years in nursing and who knows about transsexuality should know better), how could she have dated me, all fantastic supportive stuff right out of the 50’s. So now I’m not welcome in their home, they said I would never be if I presented feminine… well… guess what…. that means who I am is not welcome period. Becca is devastated by their reaction, and while I know I can’t blame myself for all of it, of course I do, how can I not. I see the sadness in Becca’s eyes constantly now, neither of us will be able to keep this up for too much longer I don’t think.

Keeping my fingers crossed for her therapy to go well, and for her to get along with the therapist. 5 days away now….

I mentioned above that good stuff happened as well eh?, enough whining, lets get to that now.

When you come out to somebody, they often feel honored, like you are taking them into your confidence, you are telling them you trust them. I kinda feel bad when I say “well, most people know by now”, lol. Regardless, I’ve found that quite a few people have come out to me because all of a sudden, they felt that much safer around me. Now, I’m not saying that I helped out a bunch of closeted gays and lesbians, although I have had a couple of confessions of “I’m actually bi…. only accepting it recently… could be gay, not sure”, I’ve learned about peoples financial issues, relationship issues, sexual issues, personal emotional issues, things which many of them have not told a soul before in their lives. As usual, when you get anything big and heavy off your chest you feel better, and I’ve helped alot of old and new friends deal with their own stuff, even if its just listening to them talk.

While telling one specific old friend, Tanya (totally awesome brainy chick (and hot :P)), and pointing her to read Nat’s Rocky Horror post, she made a very poignant comment

“More articles like this need to be written”

I read that as “more stories like this need to be told”, which is I’m sure what she was implying, and its true, they do. We all have our demons, we all have our filters, the things we hold back, the things we’re scared of, anxious of, worrying about (usually for nothing), and if we just talked more, opened up more, trusted each other more (and judged a little less), things would be so much easier for all of us, for people in general. Never once has it happened where someone opened up to me, and then come to regret it later. I’ve heard the phrase “I’ve never told that to anyone before” more times than I can count throughout my life, and never once has it been a mistake for them to open up.

People, tell your stories, tell your fears, talk more, and always listen to those who are trying to find their voices.

….. ok, didn’t see this post going in this direction, I was going to talk about the awesome support I’ve been getting lately from friends, but whatever, that will be for another time, good place to end, so.


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