Support

Even through all of this crazy stuff that has been going on, I’ve still been telling people about me. My day to day friends all know, and so far have all been pretty great about everything. I spent a day out with an old girl-friend shopping, first time she had met Dawn, and to say it was comfortable would be understating it, it felt as though this was how it had always been, she said the same thing, feels pretty great.

I surprised one of my Cegep* friends when I finally caught her on facebook, nothing but thumbs up. Got a few more I want to tell as well.

Earlier this year when I spent a month on the other side of the country, Becca came out to visit me for a few days and we got to get together with another old girl-friend of mine Rachel, her husband and son, and her mom Louise. Rachel and I were very close for a while as tween / teens, we used to sneak cigarettes under the bridge in the little town we lived in, sitting there for hours chatting, and more than that, Louise really took me into their home and made me feel welcome when things for me at my own home were going pretty badly. I have alot of great memories hanging out in Rachel’s room listening to music, she used to love brushing and fiddling with the long hair I used to have, playing cards with the family, and just feeling like it was a home. It was great to see them again, and I really wanted to tell them about myself, but at the same time I didn’t want to make the whole evening about me. So long story short, I caught Louise online earlier this week and let her know, and a few days after managed to catch Rachel online as well and filled her in, Louise had agreed to let me tell her. The words that she wrote to me felt like a big warm hug, like I was back in their living room listening to Garth Brooks (yes, she got me to appreciate one of his albums, lol). Rachel as well was full of support, lots of love, and she even knew a couple of trans-men in her previous city, and a girl-friend of hers is writing a thesis on a trans subject.

On my way into the building today, the security guard (gorgeous girl, chatted with her for years, outed myself to her … wow…. six years ago?, holy crap) stops me and just gives me what I can only refer to as a speech. She tells me to keep my chin up, that I know what I have to do, I can’t let being worried about hurting Becca hold me back from what I need to do to be at peace with myself, that I’m beautiful and that even if things don’t work out with Becca and I, that Becca will be OK, she’ll be happy, and that I’ll find love again because I’m a wonderful person. I mean, wow, wtf, lol. I know that she is in a dark place right now, and missing her boyfriend who is on the other side of the planet, and she just shot that out at me today. Love her.

Out of the blue today, another old friend from Ottawa messaged me, haven’t talked to them in at least 4 years. I had actually told her about me being a CD’er a while ago, right after my first pride outing, so I filled her in to where I am now, no surprise, full support, big thumbs up, knows a trans-man which is pretty cool. Is it just me, or are we popping up just everywhere these days?

Of course there are my friends who have known and been with me since the beginning (being 2k6 for starting to come out), I’ve been reconnecting with them on this level, and they were there for me, just waiting for me to be ready to talk about it again. I spent some time with a very good girl-friend of mine and her hubby (who I’ve known for ever) en femme a short while ago, full support, they accept me no matter what.

There was also the acceptance that I experienced a couple nights ago from my parents in law, begrudging sure, but being trans was never really the issue, just the effect that it is having on Becca. My sister as well, while so bloody busy that she still hasn’t ‘met’ me, has been just great and I love her for it.

There has been one other constant in all of this support, which is concern for Becca. Everyone asks about her, wants to know how she feels about everything, how she is coping and if we are going to continue together, and I love that. I tell Becca about it sometimes, and I let her know that these people are there for her to talk to if she needs to, after all, many of them are “our” friends as much as they are “my” friends, but she has trouble doing so. Along with all of the concern for her, there is another key aspect to it all, no one is blaming me for it, no one has told me “why can’t you just ignore this and push it away and have a normal life?”, no one has questioned the legitimacy of my needs, of who I am. They offer compassion and support in getting through this situation in one piece and happy, the both of us, they don’t suggest that it can be avoided. I love all of you for that.

Way to go straight people!. I do love my trans circle, and they do offer me wonderful support as well, but one can’t live their lives hiding away from the 9x% of the rest of you all, and I wouldn’t want to either!.

Oh, before I forget, Becca has something lined up with a highly qualified therapist in a few days, so keeping my fingers crossed, and yay!.

So I guess that’s it for now, good night everyone, and thank you

* Cegep is a Quebec school system anomaly, its a separate school between high school (ends at grade 11) and University. You’re usually between the ages of 17 to 20 there, 21 for the kids doing the 3 year “straight-to-work-no-university” programs.


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