Passing…..

I had to talk about this at one point didn’t I?

Do I like the way I look en femme?, yes, in fact, I love the way I look en femme, I think I’m classy, sexy when I want to be, I know how to dress and move and don’t walk like a trucker (that… really…. bugs me), but do I think I pass as a GG?. Hells no

First off, I’m definitely taller than the average woman, but I’m still fairly lucky at only being 5’10”, of course this does mean I’m 6’2″ in my favorite heels, but thats neither here nor there. I don’t have a big heavy jaw, my french blood saved me there from the Irish side, but its still just male enough. Same with the brow ridge, it could be oh so much worse, but its still male. Unfortunately, my nose is Irish…. this pic I think sums it up well.

Again, I think I’m beautiful in this picture, and that’s not just me having an inflated ego, I’ve never really considered myself beautiful, pretty, handsome, attractive even, ever. But do I pass?, lol, no. It seems I pass for a full time and fully transitioned trans woman, and I’m very happy for that, but not for a GG.

It took me a long time to get to this way of looking at it, but why should I feel the need to “fully” pass, i.e., go stealth. Is my mere presence such an upset to the world around me?.

{ Absolutely no judgements on those who choose that its the best path for them, I know sometimes it can mean the difference between a life lived in fear and one lived in relative peace.}

I’m lucky enough to live somewhere where the “different” folks like me aren’t hated or feared on sight, life is never easy for trans folk regardless of where they are, but when it comes to the location lottery, being in Montreal is a big win. While it is a friendly place, I still don’t see many visible trans women (or men) out and about in every day life, I no longer live right in the city, but I still get out there quite often, and unless I’m going to a trans specific space, I’m usually the only visible transsexual out there. And while it can be a touch lonely, I do think that it’s pretty cool sometimes, after all, the tons of people who clock me every time I’m out have now seen “One Of Them!” out living her life just like any other – slightly taller than average – woman, and I think that’s a win for all of us. Maybe some heavily closeted guy or gal see me strutting my stuff down St Catherine’s, clock me immediately (cause again, I aint fooling anyone here), and say “hey, maybe I can…..”

So, this begs the question… since I’ve made it quite clear that without a few FFS procedures I’ll never be going stealth… if I was blessed with perfectly feminine features and body shape / size, and going stealth was simply what happened when I dressed whether I wanted it or not, would I still feel this way?, would I go out of my way to tell people about my trans status ASAP?. Knowing who I am, I think its easy to say, yes, yes I would, holding anything back about my history to people is really painful for me, it’s always been an act of shame to me, so when I hold back I feel that old shame and guilt, hate it. Of course if I was that naturally feminine, I wouldn’t be who I am now, so it’s kind of a moot point.

so where was I going with  this?, oh yeah

IMO, fuck passing, you will always be clocked by someone out there. Look as good as you can, no matter your style, be genuine, and have a smile on your face. Don’t give the world any other choice than to smile back.

ciao


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